the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
