drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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