Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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