so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
