Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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