yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
