Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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