My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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