Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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