I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
