would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize