is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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