I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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