What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
