He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
