He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
