party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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