You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize