phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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