3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
