I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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