I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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