I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize