I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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