So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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