I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
