OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I supernannyed him into submission
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
