69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
