I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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