Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
