apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
