The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
