Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Two words: blizzard sex
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
