I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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