True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
