i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Randomize
