Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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