Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
