Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
