So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
