Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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