so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize