My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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