Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you traded sex for a burrito?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
