If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
