Four minutes until I can fart!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
