He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
