The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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