Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
