I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
