Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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