the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
