david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
