you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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