he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
