I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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