I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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