community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
