Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
