Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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