Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
