you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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