I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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