awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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