why didn't you poke me back
id be glad to
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
