so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
