I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
