State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
