i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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