I need help removing her.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
