So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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