I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
