Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
