You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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