if i can run in heels then i can drive
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize